


Bitter

by Stariceling



Category: Death Note
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Mentors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-20
Updated: 2009-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-06 00:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stariceling/pseuds/Stariceling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mello's first impression of L.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of companion to nanashi_o's fic "Lessons Learned" about L and Near, which is great and [you should read it](http://nanashi-o.livejournal.com/153534.html).

Mello saw the enigmatic detective he knew only as “L” a mere handful of times before he was old enough to understand that he was expected to aspire to being his protege. Everything he was expected to do, every lesson, was meant to be an effort to emulate L, perhaps even to surpass him someday.

At that time he was more than old enough to recognize when he was being ignored. Mello noticed that L had never spared him so much as a passing glance. It seemed obvious L didn’t have even the slightest interest in him. Knowing that, Mello decided he was old enough to hate L for his detachment. 

It was easy enough to hate someone he’d never really met. Mello hardly even had to think about it, until the feeling was brought abruptly to the surface by a rare sighting. When L suddenly appeared at Whammy’s unannounced, Mello found himself lurking like a shadow in an open doorway, watching L work.

Just to see L was fascinating. He was hunched over, his feet up on the chair, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of him. Half a chocolate bar sat on the desk in front of him, the foil glinting in the low light. L had a single square of chocolate pinched between his fingers. He kept licking along the edge of the chocolate square, bottom to top.

Mello’s lurking did not go unnoticed. He jumped when L looked up and away from the computer, and straight at him.

L only stared silently, nonchalantly pushing the square of partly-melted chocolate into his mouth and licking his fingers. It was difficult enough to stand up under that stare. Suddenly Mello found that his decision to hate L on principle didn’t help at all. He still felt tiny under that scrutinizing gaze. Mello balled his little hands into fists, determined not to turn and slink away.

Having a grown up even look at him so long never meant anything good. It either meant he had done something bad, or just something not good enough. Either way, it meant trouble. That thought gave Mello enough of a rush of hot, bitter anger to make him stand his ground.

Just as Mello’s nerves were stretched thin enough to snap, L half-turned away. With a rustle and crinkle of foil he broke a new square of chocolate off of the candy bar in front of him.

Then came the last thing Mello could have expected. L help the broken piece of chocolate up, looking right at him, and asked, “Do you want some?”

Mello stepped cautiously into the room. He didn’t want to take his eyes from L’s face, but his attention kept darting to the offered treat and back. L’s attention never wavered, and Mello found himself fascinated by the unshakable gaze and the dark bruises under his eyes.

Once Mello was close enough he reached out, cautiously, and took the square of chocolate from L’s hand. He shoved the treat into his mouth before it could be snatched back.

There was no snide comment about this behavior. L merely turned the monitor so that Mello could see it more clearly.

“No one has bothered to start you studying actual cases yet,” L said, in a low, displeased tone that made Mello tense up again. It wasn’t a question. Somehow L knew that Mello’s education was apparently lacking.

In terms of horror, that harsh tone of voice was nothing compared to what was on the monitor once Mello could see it. It was obvious enough that the subject of the pictures was a corpse, cut open to display pieces of bone and viscera and things that Mello would have been glad to never know what they looked like spilling out of a real person.

Mello’s stomach clenched in terror. His throat felt so tight it hurt. He couldn’t seem to move, even to blink and hide from what he was seeing for a split second.

L’s open hand smacked into the middle of his back, accompanied by the sharp order to, “Breathe.”

The shock broke Mello’s terrified trance. He looked away, staring at the chocolate bar on the desk for lack of anything else to focus on, gasping for breath. Just knowing the pictures were still there made his skin prickle in fear.

L let him gasp for a few seconds before delivering his first reprimand. “You can’t fix anything you’re afraid to face.”

For a few seconds Mello’s pride and fear battled under L’s knowing gaze. Pride won out, and he forced himself to look again and not turn away.

As a reward, L’s hand rested on his back, firm enough for Mello to be sure it was really there. It didn’t matter if it was there to keep him from running. L’s hand was warm and solid.

“Now, what does this scene tell you about the crime?”

With L’s guidance, Mello found he could work through the horrible clues logically, picking out details that might mean something.

When his heart stopped thudding against his ribs in terror, Mello realized that L was teaching him. It didn’t matter if it was courage or criminal psychology he was expected to learn. L was giving him attention. L was guiding him. L thought he was worth something.

Even with the bitter taste of chocolate faint on his tongue and far too much proof of human cruelty in front of him, Mello found himself happier than he had ever been in his young life.


End file.
